The sunday night back

Before i move on to the next stage of my life, which is life after college, i must write about a thing or two about how my usual days went as a reserved yet itinerant college student…

Going back to Metro Manila from Laguna is a two-hour car ride that i have gotten used to since childhood. Since i was a kid i have always went to Manila from San Pablo on a weekly basis- picking up and dropping off my two elder sisters in their dorms when they were the ones who were in college, going to malls whenever we want during those days of emotional prosperity for our family, and also when my late mom needs to undergo chemo and checkups years ago). After four years of college here in Ateneo de Manila, i still don’t get it why my Manila-based friends were shocked with me being so used to going to Laguna on a weekly basis. As if for them Laguna is as far as Baguio or something similar. From my hometown, San Pablo City, Laguna to Metro Manila, it’s just a straight 2 hour drive going through the National Highway leading to Manila. After a side trip to a favorite family mall in Makati to buy anything we need or want for the week (or a moment to unwind from the tensions of the weekend), my dad, yaya and ahma would then take me to my dorm in Katipunan, Myplace Resident Hall. A good bye peck and last minute reminders, the dorm main door closes, finally separating me from the Dursleys for another week. Sometimes i am tense with how i acted throughout the weekend would affect dad’s perception on me, for i am not sure how much unintended deviations i do will give dad a bullet to strike me or make wrong ideas about me (Once he gets an idea about you, right or wrong it might be, it will stay that way. He just believes in whatever his mind tells him, it will bring more harm when you attempt to explain because he will never believe in you especially if what you say contradict what he wants to believe. Either he doesn’t know or refuse to believe that things are not always what they seem.), but in any case, i feel more light and glad that i am separated from them for another 5 days. It was as if a thorn in my heart was taken away, albeit temporarily.

Soon i open the door of my dorm room with my Myplace card taken from a convenient part of my handbag. There i meet my roomates, Rox, Ica and Micah, who were usually by the time i arrive at my dorm, were using the internet, studying or preparing to sleep. I unload my bags and items brought from home and from the mall. After replenishing my After-College Grocery Supplies (named “Armaggedon Use Only” after my rather quirky, 11 year old niece’s way of naming things. I decided to stock up on grocery stuff like canned food, toiletries, laundry soap, cooking oil coming from the weekly family grocery shopping so i could save on grocery when i start my post-college life), i often open use the internet to catch up on the news i missed throughout the weekend without internet. When i have requirements for school to do that i usually can’t do in Laguna, then i’ll do those. If i don’t have much to do after catching up online(or when im not interested to go online), i just clean my area of the room. Currently, i am undergoing a very enlightening daily Ignatian retreat program in school named “Retreat in Daily Life”. Not only i have befriended a very friendly, intelligent, fellow history buff Jesuit brother as my Spiritual Director, i also had an opportunity to deepen my understanding about God and how He affects me and those people in my life. Before preparing myself to go to bed, i meditate on the Sacred Scriptures recommended for me to study about. After an UBE(Ultimate Bonding Experience) with God, i prepared to go to bed- i change into my clothes, prepare my clothes and bag for tomorrow, climb up to my bed and text my Liebe good night. If i don’t feel sleepy, i play some games on my phone. Anything i do around the dorm, be it catching up online, cleaning, studying, praying, or playing, they are very much effective in regaining a significant amount of energy to begin another week in school.

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2012- One hell of a year/Sonata Arctica(and 2 not Sonata songs) playlist

There’s a lot that happened within the last year in my life, starts off at the bottom but it keeps spiraling up. It starts off with a troubled time attempting to get into the right track again in Management, identity issues, power struggle between my dad and elder sister, the growing resentment of my sister’s treatment towards me (which she made me mistakenly believe that it is something righteous, while in fact it is stupid), then a growing friendship (with matching flustering feelings) for a best friend who share with me a lot of common interests- the most striking of which is love for Tokio hotel and also food- and also growing affection coming from his feelings for me that goes way back during the first day of our one and only common class, that eventually sparked a well-rounded relationship with so much happiness and a surprisingly strong foundation that would eventually prove to be beyond a mere romantic relationship(quoting a song from Big Time Rush, it’s “Bigger than a Twilight love affair”, it’s something which would really knock your socks off- we are not only a loving and very affectionate couple to each other, we’re also the best of best friends), then next came the appeal and the eventual probation that surprisingly got me out of what i once thought would be a dead-end trap out of Ateneo, upon which came even more pressure and tension from my sister which eventually led to a rather painful separation, from then things went uphill in terms of academics, love and also family life. While the state of my life goes uphill, particularly in academics, the aversion to metaphysical sophistication, an effect of trying to forget about just about everything my sister glorifies, led me to leave some scars on abstract subjects or activities like Philosophy(the weirder thing is, the philosophy i am studying in school is based on phenomenology- which is learning philosophy based on consciousness and direct experiences) and reading on research papers, editorials, novels or even quotes coming from leading philosophers or writers (especially American ones with French, Eastern European or Russian origins from the mid 20th Century). This holds a problem for me, since I plan to be a history professor one day and these kinds of stuff would be aplenty, until comes a history teacher who has the capability to kick butt with his mind the fears that I have, he knows his opinions and principles well, and also stood against EVERY unjust principles my sister have with society. He was the guy my sister would’ve wanted to be as well, yet holds principles counter to hers. He would’ve been the kind of person who’d stand up for my yaya while she was being berated by my sister for using a “tabo” in the bathroom, or the cleaning my yaya does in our old condo that my sister finds as a “substandard” product to our yaya’s main purpose in our condo as much as he’d had his class be more aware of the unjust plight of the Casiguran people in the hands of APECO and show some recognition for them when they came to school. Plus, he also looks like my Liebe’s Doppelgänger.

This year holds the formation of a deeper meaning of my own identity. This year i learned to held the hands of those i love for the better, let go of those whom i am not in good terms with anymore, take every opportunity that i enjoy and is great at doing and at the same time makes me do good for others, help comes especially when i truly need them and also nothing can make a statement about a situation more than music does. Speaking of music, most major events in 2012 had music to stand as a reminder of the state i was having, whether it is from first, second or even third person perspective. These songs did not only described what me and the world felt and gone through but also set the mood that has the power to reel you somehow in and get a glimpse how its like going through there.

Those kickass songs that made 2012 as fly as f*** as it is. Listen how the music and the lyrics became the main matras of the situations i got into as well as probably a feel of 2012:

Miss Management’s Management Mismanagement/On Probation/On the Way to History Anthem:

Victoria’s Secret (Live)- Sonata Arctica

Tokio Hotel, the unlikely start of a love that proves so blissful- even my 15 year old self would believe that she’ll find the love of her life in this band that would be as brilliant as epicness- in the form of Bill Kaulitz that is. But finding someone who would be even more brilliant as epicness as f*** than this attractive, androgynous singer, i don’t think she would dream up something as high as that or else she would have been actually “high” to end up dreaming that high. But lo and behold, 3 years into the present, there she is happily being serenaded with the most heartfelt, affectionate, best lullabies and songs in the arms of someone who truly loves her and he’s actually even more brilliant as epicness as f*** than Bill Kaulitz:

In your shadow (I can shine) (Live)- Tokio Hotel

Irish Independence of 2012/ the correspondence between me and those who thinks its best for me to be out from my sister:

Flag in the ground- Sonata Arctica

One of the last rants my sister threw before i called it quits:

BlackOut- Tricky Beans (Before they were Sonata Arctica)

Remove the romantic connotations, replace certain words with “(Name of history class classroom)”, “sister”, and “Oh (Teacher’s name)”, and *POOF* it became… Cococrunch? (Hehe… Cococrunch)

Shy (Live)- Sonata Arctica

Casiguran people goes marching in:

My Land (Live)- Sonata Arctica

and to top it all off, everyone’s going Gangnam Style from the Morning Calm to everywhere, even probably if you time travelled to the past and see even Josephine Bracken and Philippine Revolutionaries of the Philippine War of Independence doing it as they fought off the Spaniards(Proving true of what my History 165 teacher said in class):

Gangnam Style- Psy